The Classic Tibia
The original. The icon. The bone you bring home to meet your parents.
- Perfect for wings, drumsticks, and emotionally fragile nuggets.
- Ergonomic gnaw points.
- Pairs well with mild to reckless sauces.
Tired of boneless chicken?
Add Some Structure
To Your Supper.
Introducing Artificial Bones™ — delightfully useless, fully fictional support structures for your tragically boneless meat.
Not FDA approved. Not even mom-approved.
100% Fake
Zero Nutritional Value
The Crippling Epidemic of Bonelessness
Every day, millions of honest eaters stare into the void of their nugget and whisper, “Where’s the bone?”
- ☹️ No crunch. No snap. Just vibes.
- 😔 Nothing to gnaw thoughtfully while you contemplate life.
- 😩 0% structural integrity. 100% existential crisis.
- 😭 Nowhere to hold when it’s too hot.
87%
of Americans agree meat without bones
“feels emotionally unfinished.”*
*Study conducted in our imagination.
Meet Artificial Bones™
The world’s first intentionally pointless, allegedly food-adjacent structural enhancement.
Jumbo Gamer Bone
For when you need a bone that can keep up with your K/D ratio.
- Extra-long for maximum dramatic gestures.
- Optimized for “one more bite” marathons.
- RGB not included… yet.
Pocket Bone
Travel-size structure for on-the-go boneless emergencies.
- Slides discreetly into any lunch.
- Perfect for flights, dates, and questioning your choices.
- TSA probably has questions.
How It Works*
*“Works” is doing a lot of heavy lifting here.
1
Insert
Gently (or dramatically) slide your Artificial Bone™ into any boneless bite.
2
Reshape
Coax the meat around the bone until it looks unnervingly natural.
3
Present
Plate it proudly. Maintain suspiciously intense eye contact with your guests.
4
Pretend
Insist it “came like that.” Refuse to elaborate. Leave.
Build‑A‑Bone™ Configurator
Design the fake bone of your dreams. Or nightmares. We don’t judge.
// Your bone will appear here. Emotionally, at least.
What Our Totally Real Customers Say
Frequently Asked Questions
No one has stopped you yet, but we strongly recommend do not eat anything shown on this site. This is satire, bestie.
Legally, we cannot stop you. Spiritually, we are screaming.
Top rack only. Bottom rack voids your imaginary warranty.
No. This is parody. Satire. Goofs. If you showed this to a lawyer, they’d probably exhale deeply and ask you to leave.
Ready to Add Some Structure?
Enter your email to be the first to know if Artificial Bones™ ever becomes a real, terrible idea someone actually manufactures.
By clicking “Notify Me,” you agree to receive zero actual bones and occasional delightful nonsense.
$19.95 Imaginary MSRP
Free to dream about. Priceless to explain to your therapist.